What to Say to Someone Who Had a Miscarriage

Having a miscarriage is a devastating feeling, and it is never easy to come out of the shock. However, if there is someone close to you who have experienced this calamity, you may help her feel better by saying the right things to her. Since it is an emotionally charged topic, it is important to know what to say to someone who had a miscarriage. Not thinking twice before saying anything would result in hurting someone even more. Let's find out what you can say – and what to avoid – to help someone who had a miscarriage feel better.

What to Say

It is true that many women have miscarriages, but it is hard to know what to say to the person without hurting her emotions even more. Here is a bit more about what to say to someone who had a miscarriage.

1. Tell Her It Is Not Her Fault

It is important to tell the person that miscarriage was never her fault. It is natural for women to look for something to blame for what happened to them, and since they were carrying the baby, they eventually decide to hold themselves responsible for their miscarriage. It is therefore important to tell them that it is impossible to prevent most miscarriages, so they should not bash them for all this. Under no circumstances should you be telling her about what she could have done differently to avoid the situation.

2. Tell Her You Really Love Her

Let her know how much you love her, and nothing sad or hard is going to change that feeling. It is natural for her to feel that she does not deserve to be loved because she has miscarried. This is when your reassurance will help make things better. Even if you fail to fully convince her that she deserves unconditional love and you are there for here, those words will still mean something and make some difference.

3. Tell Her You Are Sorry

Wondering what to say to someone who had a miscarriage? Tell her how sorry you are. You may feel this is not right to apologize, but that is not the case. It is true that saying sorry is not going to change the situation, but it is important to let her understand that you are aching along with her. This will make her feel that she is certainly not alone.

4. Tell Her She Is Not Alone

It is natural for her to confine herself to her room only and feel that she is completely alone in the world. She may even feel that no one else can understand what she is going through, so it is better to isolate herself. Tell her she is not alone – you can share your story if you have experienced a miscarriage in the past. Let her know that you have experienced the same and that she is not the only one going through the shock. Just make sure you do not talk too much about your experience, as it is about making 'her' feel better. Try something different if she seems uninterested during the conversation.

5. Tell Her You Are There to Listen

Encourage her to talk. Ask her to share her feelings. Let her have the floor to herself. She will certainly feel much better if she gets a chance to speak her mind. She may have her insecurities after the miscarriage and speaking about those concerns will help release some stress. Listening to those words will also put you in a better position to offer your support. Do not just listen to her quietly, but also participate in the conversation in a way that encourages her to keep talking.

6. Tell Her You've Brought Food

It may not seem important but the bringing of food is always a great gesture and a good response to most sad events, including a miscarriage. You need to realize that food is always a great comforter. Moreover, it is common for women who are dealing with this terrible loss to have no energy to get up and cook or eat something. That is why it makes great sense to offer her some food. Be sure to pick something she loves. You can also take her to her favorite take-out place. Even if she does not eat much, it is still enough to convey the message that you are there to support her, no matter what.

What Not to Say

Knowing what to say to someone who had a miscarriage is important, but you should also have information about things to avoid during a conversation. Here are some things you should not be saying to someone who has just miscarried:

1. So You Know You Can Get Pregnant

These are never the words of kindness; in fact, they can be the words with daggers that will leave her wounded. It is only going to make her furious to hear that at least she is not fertile while some women just cannot get pregnant. The event is so traumatic that many women start to feel that being fertile is much better than having a miscarriage.

2. You Can Try Again!

It is never a good time to tell her that she can try again and have another baby. She will be grieving for her loss, and trying again would be the last thing on her mind at that moment. It can certainly make the situation worse, so avoid it at all cost.

3. Feel Happy about the Kids You Have

Never say this to her, as she is not going to take it very well. There is no need to tell her how lucky she is to lose a baby but she already has kids to love. If she has lost one of her twins, saying that she is lucky to still have one is an incredibly insensitive thing. It is not going to make her feel better, so avoid it.

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