Husband Doesn't Want to Have Sex

When we think of males and sex drive, we naturally think they always have one. It seems like men always want to have sex and think that it is just in their nature. However, one in five men have a low sex drive and that can be unsettling for partners. It seems more common for women to not want to have sex, but around 30% of females are actually more interested in sex than males. If your husband doesn’t want to have sex, there can be several reasons for his low sex drive. Don’t take it personally, it can actually be a medical issue that can be fixed. This article will explain some of the different reasons for low sex drive in men and what can be done about it.

Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Sex—Why?

Low sex drive in men can be caused by a number of things. The biggest issue can be age. It isn’t uncommon for older males to still want just as much sex as before, but sex drive can decline with age. Sex drive can often increase after a female partner has gone through menopause, since the worries of pregnancy are gone after the “change of life.” This gives room for more sexual freedom. Sex drive tends to drop due to hormonal changes in men, chronic disease, and new life stressors. Here are the explanations:

1.    Life Stressors

Life stressors can lower male sex drive. Issues in the marriage or family, money trouble, unhappiness in work place, and depression can all lower sex drive.

2.    Health Conditions

The most common condition to cause low sex drive in men is diabetes. This is because high blood sugar levels can reduce blood flow to the penis and prevents erections. Other health reasons why your husband doesn’t want to have sex may be obesity, medications, remedies for male baldness, and high blood pressure. If it continues, have him see his doctor for help. These things can be treated and the problem may go away.

3.    Hormonal Changes

The main hormone that gives men sex drive is testosterone. This can drop for several reasons including age, thyroid disease, or pituitary problems. This issue is also easily treated.

4.    Low Dopamine

The chemical dopamine is one of the chemicals in the brain that signal sexual desire in men. This was found quite by accident when men with Parkinson’s disease were treated with drugs to stimulate the dopamine in their brain. Surprisingly, their sex drive increased.

Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Sex—What to Do

When your husband doesn’t want to have sex, there are a few things you can do to get the flames of passion lit again. Try these simple fixes:

1.    See His Doctor

There may be a perfectly good medical explanation for his low libido. It may be as simple as a medication side-effect or getting a chronic illness under control. If his health checks out fine, there are medications that can help, but doctors often want you to try to work it out naturally first.

2.     Get Him Moving

Try getting out for an evening walk after dinner. Take up a yoga class together or try a sport. This gets the blood flowing to all parts of the body and increases good feelings.

3.     Fight Performance Anxiety

Men can feel under pressure to perform and this can make it tough to get an erection. Take your time together. Include foreplay. Be understanding if things just don’t work out and try again another time.

4.     Do Some Fantasy Roleplaying

Men have visual sexual sensing. Try dressing up for him or wear sexy lingerie. Have sex somewhere different or use different positions. Talk about what he wants you to be or do in the bedroom and this may wake up his excitement.

5.     Bring Back the Chemistry

Maintaining a marriage and family is hard work. The romance and chemistry that you two had once can be worn away by the nuisances of life. Try to bring back the sweet moments that you once by communicating with your husband, saying nice things to each other, going on a romantic date, offering him gifts occasionally, etc. If in the worst case scenario, he is having an affair, all these showing of love can bring him back or make him confess what he’s really thinking or feeling.

6.     Hire a Babysitter

Sometimes the pressure of family responsibilities leave both men and women feeling too tired for sex. Hire a babysitter and go somewhere away from home, work, and life issues.

7.     Try Counseling

More often than not, your husband doesn’t want to have sex because he just isn’t feeling it inside himself. In rare cases, it could be a marital issue. If all the above tips don’t do the trick, talk to your husband about may be getting some counseling.

One Wife’s Experience

“I don’t understand why my husband doesn’t want to have sex at all anymore. I always hear that the woman doesn’t have enough sexual desire, not the man. It is months in between sexual encounters and he seems bored with me. I’m hurting and we need help.”

Expert's Reply: It is true that most of the complaints are men talking about women not wanting sex. Contrary to what people think, it can go either way more often than what is talked about. It is important to talk about what the problem might be and not let it fester. Male loss of libido isn’t a normal thing and needs to be evaluated because it is often health related. These things can be fixed pretty easily.

The only concerns a wife should have if sex is absent from the bedroom are possibly:

  • Pornography addiction (This can cause men to not want sex in the bedroom)
  • Childhood molestation (Men may shy away from sex if they were molested as children)
  • Possible affair (Men can either become overly loving to their partner or withdraw)

While these would be very rare to encounter, if you suspect the above three issues you may have to sit down with your husband and have a long talk about life. Conversations about these things could get heated so you may want to sit with a counselor to bring it up.