My Wife Has No Sex Drive

Dealing with a low sex drive can be frustrating. If your wife has no sex drive, it can lead you to wonder what is wrong with your marriage, what might be upsetting her, or what’s wrong with you. A woman who has a very low sex drive might just be built that way, but there could also be underlying problems that she can’t help at all. Before you get upset that your wife has no sex drive, take a step back and evaluate what is really going on.

My Wife Has No Sex Drive—Why?

If your wife once had a healthy sex drive but no longer seems to want sexual relations, there might be a problem – and it’s not all in her head. Loss of sexual desire is a real, true problem for many women. In fact, nearly one-third of women between the ages of 18 and 59 seem to have lost interest in sex. There is even a medical term for it: hypoactive sexual desire disorder, or HSDD.

Unfortunately, the problem can be caused by much more than the physical. Mental factors play into the situation as well. In addition to potential medical problems and side effects from medications, women might experience low testosterone, especially as they age. This can mean that their bodies don’t respond to sexual stimulation like they used to.

Mental triggers might include being upset, resentful or angry with their partner, or it might be something much more benign, like just having given birth or being the sole caregiver to a loved one – these things can be draining and leave her with no energy for sex. There might also be issue with job stress, self-esteem, or worrying about what their partner thinks about them. Emotional satisfaction, including the intimacy in a relationship, might also be on a decline, and that can lead to a low sex drive.

My Wife Has No Sex Drive—What to Do

If your wife seems to have no desire for sex, you’re not alone – remember, this happens to nearly one-third of all women! Here are some tips on what to do if your wife has no sex drive.

1.       It’s Not Personal

Though it feels very personal to you, in most cases, her lower sex drive actually has nothing to do with you. She might simply have a lower sex drive due to her body chemistry and physical makeup. Backing off for a while and letting her be the one to initiate the sexual activity might be a first good step. When she is ready, she will let you know.

2.       Rev Up Your Sex Life

Does your spouse seem to still want sex with you? Maybe she’s just bored with what you have been doing. Rev things up by experimenting and trying new things. But at the same time, respect the things your wife doesn’t want to do. For instance, if she is against pornography, never try to introduce that into the bedroom – it will turn her off even more.

3.       Create a Connection

Many women need to feel connected to their partners before they are ready to jump into bed with them. Your wife might not feel as though she is truly connected to you, especially if you have just gone through serious life experiences together, such as the birth of a child or the death of a loved one. Spend time relaxing together, giving her massages, and trying to reduce the stress and anxiety you both feel. This will allow you to open up and talk more, which leads to a deeper connection.

4.       Go Back to the Start

Remember how hot it used to be? She probably does too, and she misses it. Now is the time to flirt! A pat on the rear, a wink when she walks by, telling her how good she looks, and just being playful can help get her in the mood. These little things often fall to the wayside during long relationships, which is why it might seem your wife has no sex drive. She does – maybe you just need to tap into it again.

5.       Touch Her Without Sex on the Menu

Many women complain that their husbands touch them, but then want sex shortly after they do. While it’s natural for a man to want to get more physical, sometimes a woman simply needs a hug, a touch, or a cuddle without feeling as though she must ‘put out’ for the privilege of getting that touch. Learn how to touch your wife without expecting sex. Touch her simply because it makes her feel good, and don’t expect anything in return.

6.       Treat the Underlying Issues

If your wife still has no sex drive after all of this, it’s time to focus on the problems that might be creating this. Relationship therapy or sex counseling is often a wonderful place for couples to start. She should also speak to her doctor about any medications she is on, and how those might affect her sex drive. Medical conditions might also be a contributing factor, so a thorough physical is in order. If she is having a medical issue that can be solved with medications, such as low testosterone or vaginal dryness, encourage her to get help for those issues.

7.       Go Above and Beyond

Keep in mind that your wife might simply need more affection from you. If that’s the case, it’s time to step up your game.

  • Introduce her to foods that are aphrodisiacs, such as oysters or chocolate.
  • Bring little gifts home to show her how much you appreciate her – a simple bouquet of flowers can work wonders! Do what you can to bring the spark back.

8.       Try Counseling

Finally, remember that relationship counseling can uncover issues that your wife might not have been keen to talk about before. If your wife has no sex drive, consider counseling as one of the first steps toward figuring out what the problem is and getting back on track. 

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